Different Kind of Morning for Me Today.

I'm still shaking.

It began normally, wake up a minute before the alarm goes off, get ready for work/school. Out the door fairly quick. Hesitate before I drive away to yell at the cats that seem to want to make my yard their home.

Drive down the road, hang a right....all normal

But just a bit down that street, I notice smoke... a LOT of smoke drifting over the road. It's coming from one street over to my left. Between the houses. I try to see where it is coming from and notice a fair large fire... It's all houses over there and NO ONE burns that EARLY in the morning (6am).

So I drive quickly to the next cross street and then up that road. Now I must mention that a truck was coming off of that road.

I drive up the street to the house that ....yes is beginning to burn. No one around.

I of course call 911 and begin to yell at the house as soon as I'm out of my van. I must have been very loud because the door opened after the second yell. The door opened and I was yelling "GET OUT! YOUR HOUSE IS ON FIRE!" And I swear it was not 20 seconds before people began to come out of the house; three actually came out of the house but I could see there was a man (in just his undies) still in the house kind of ....well it looked like he was trying to figure out what to put on. He never came out while I was there. It was the woman (the others looked like teenagers) that worked to put out the fire.

By now the police were there. It looked like someone plugged in an extension cord in the outside plug to something on the side of the house and it either over heated or somehow caught something on fire. I left as soon as the police arrived. I did so because there was nothing I could do anymore and I did not want to be in the way when the fire trucks came (nor blocked in).

Ok, so there is the basic set up of what happened this morning.

Now here is why I'm so upset and shaking.

While on the phone with the 911 operator, I could hear her talking with both the police and the fire department. It seemed like someone had already called in the fire. So if they were close enough to call, why did they not try to wake up the family?

This brought back some bad memories of when my apartments caught fire and the guy that was "cooking meth" that started the fire; did NOT try to wake up anyone. He just removed all his things and moved his truck (and hid the evidence). It was someone who woke up and saw the flames that woke everyone up.

The second thing that bothers me is the thought that I literally "could have" had lives literally in my hand. I could have just driven on and not bothered to go see what was going on. (Since that other fire, I cannot do that; I have to see the source of the fire....do you know how many leaf litter fires I've tracked down? lol)

And that is what bothers me. The thought that people could have died IF I had ignored that smoke. Because believe me, they had no clue and the fire was all over one side of their home.

And all that led me to me. I moan and groan and bitch about how the gene pool needs to be 'thinned' and how evil people should just be put out of 'our' misery. I think of all those I would zap if I had the super power of zapping. Someone in that house may have been one of those people I would have zapped out of existence.

But at that moment, all I wanted was everyone out and safe. Nothing else mattered. Not their bad deeds or good deeds. Just their lives.

I do not think I can properly express all the thoughts and emotions that went through me this morning in those few moments after I had left and the reality of all of it began to settle in my brain.

I'm thankful I may have been used to help save some lives. Who knows, they may have woken up in time and gotten out.

I'm humbled by the fragility of life. I'm humbled by the actions of the woman who fought to save her home. I'm saddened by the man who fumbled around inside the house in his undies and how he finally found a blanket to wrap up in but still did not come out.

I'm heartened by the teens who I saw trying to help the woman put the flames out.

I'm guessing that it was the man who left whatever it was that was plugged in -plugged in.

I'm refreshed...yes I know that is a weird emotion, but it is as close and I can think of right now; by how blue the sky is this morning, how sweet the air is that I breathe in, how warm the first rays of sunlight were, how silly the squirrels were this morning when they did their "danger cry" that sounds like they are farting really loud (I promise that is EXACTLY what it sounded like: a washboard fart), and peaceful knowing I cannot stand by and do nothing when the situation calls for action.

Nothing like an early morning fire to jerk your priorities and self-examination in line.

I hope YOU have a great day! "Make it so"

A "Sign" of the Times?

I've been by the "Store" every day, twice a day, for over two years. Yesterday morning there were bright neon pink signs over all the windows and doors, effectively "sealing" the small building up. One sign was at least three feet square.

The business? A Dog Groomers called "The Shaggy Dog". How often I ever saw anyone actually there? Once there was about 8 cars "after hours" and once I actually saw a dog being groomed through one of the huge windows in the small building.

What did the signs say? "CLOSED FOR NON-PAYMENT OF SALES TAXES"

What the heck? I have NEVER seen a sign like that. That place never did any business! How could they even HAVE sales tax?

I'm sure this is just the beginning of things like this happening.

And yet the same town opened four new restaurants in the last month or so and every day they are packed. I've yet seen the parking lots have few enough cars in them for me to even think about checking them out. Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Cheddar's, and Pandera Bread.

Worked on my own personal income taxes; actually made LESS than last year but will receive almost $300 LESS back. Not even enough to actually pay to have my taxes done. I usually get enough to pay off my state taxes, personal county taxes, pay to have my taxes done, and go out to a nice place for dinner with my family.

Went and picked up a few groceries yesterday and a 5# bag of sugar had risen in price $1.58 in two days.

Yes I do think the "end" is closer than ever.

I may have posted these before, but they are funny enough for a repost :)

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from eating too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: "You stay here; I'll go on a head."

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: Keep off the Grass.

15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17. A backward poet writes in verse.

18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

20. If you jumped off a bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says "Dam!"

23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."

25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Just cause someone out there needs a good laugh like I did!

as a wildlife biologist; I have to really appreciate the winner!

You've been waiting for them with bated breath, so without further ado, here are the 2011 Darwin Awards:

Eighth Place:
In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet
of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.

Seventh Place:
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he ran", accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.

Sixth Place:
While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom, when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

Fifth Place:
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

Fourth Place:
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

Third Place:
After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the
front door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol.

The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.

HONORABLE MENTION:
Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2 A.M. so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice that the window was closed.

RUNNER UP:
Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more excited, and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge, they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. They secured one end around Bingham's leg and then tied the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located.

AND THE WINNER IS....
Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn , Germany ) fed his
constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief. Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded.

The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves...' Shit happens'

IT ALWAYS SEEMS IMPORTANT TO THANK THESE PEOPLE FOR REMOVING THEMSELVES FROM THE GENE POOL.

Dead Horse Theory

Dead Horse Theory

The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed on from generation to generation, says that "When you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount."

However, in government more advanced strategies are often employed, such as:


1. Buying a stronger whip.

2. Changing riders.

3. Appointing a committee to study the horse.

4. Arranging to visit other countries to see how other cultures ride dead
horses.

5. Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included.

6. Reclassifying the dead horse as living-impaired.

7. Hiring outside contractors to ride the dead horse.

8. Harnessing several dead horses together to increase speed.

9. Providing additional funding and/or training to increase the dead horse's
performance.

10. Doing a productivity study to see if lighter riders would improve the
dead horse's performance.

11. Declaring that as the dead horse does not have to be fed, it is less
costly, carries lower overhead and therefore contributes substantially more
to the bottom line of the economy than do some other horses.

12. Rewriting the expected performance requirements for all horses.

And, of course...



13. Promoting the dead horse to a supervisory position

Signs that you are no longer a kid (or even close)...

(excuse me while I cry...)

You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.

You can live without sex, but not without glasses.

Your back goes out more than you do.

You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

You buy a compass for the dash of your car.

You are proud of your lawn mower.

Your best friend is dating someone half their age... And isn't breaking any laws.

Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.

You sing along with the elevator music.

You would rather go to work than stay home sick.

You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.

You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.

You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

People call at 9 pm. And ask, "Did I wake you?"

You have a dream about prunes.

You answer a question with "Because I said so!"

You send money to PBS.

The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.

You take a metal detector to the beach.

You wear black socks with sandals.

You know what the word equity means.

You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.

Your ears are hairier than your head.

You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.

You get into a heated argument about pension plans.

You got cable for the weather channel.

You can go bowling without drinking.

You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.

40 rules to live by

-for men! (cause everyone knows we women are perfect and need no rules!):

1. Never ask a woman if she wants to have sex by asking her if she wants to have sex.

2. It is more important to have good health insurance than good health.

3. Don't bluff more than once in a poker game with friends.

4. When one of the big bosses at work unexpectedly says something really cheery and friendly to you, he means absolutely nothing by it. Not even if he's your father.

5. Wear as much black as you can. It makes you look slimmer and cooler. But avoid black jeans.

6. When someone in your family is going through a divorce, always side with the blood relative.

7. Pointedly praising something unusual a person owns or has done will make you appear far smarter in his eyes than a 10-minute discourse on world events.

8. Yes, speak softly and carry a big stick. But don't mumble. And don't swing the stick.

9. The man who can't dance, can't converse, and can't provide psychological support to a woman is only half a man; the other half can't cook, can't clean, and badly wants a drink.

10. Do not get a visible tattoo larger than your penis.

11. Be aware that most people are operating on a very condensed version of the 10 Commandments: the part about murder.

12. There will be times when good neighbors are more important than a good neighborhood.

13. Telling a woman, "You're a great person," is taken as the lead-in to a confession that you don't love her.

14. Trying to "teach someone a lesson" never works.

15. Easy on the mayo!

16. Be careful about publicly discussing your hobbies, as most hobbies strike people as somewhat pathetic: most notably, collecting stamps, coins, or anything else, bird-watching, bowling, rockhounding, spelunking, table tennis, poetry, dog shows, chat rooms, polka music, yoga, herpetology, marathon running, and religion. The only hobbies you can safely own up to when among people you need to impress are fly-fishing and golf.

17. Never buy anyone a gift at a kiosk.

18. Never wear clothing that your coworkers avoid—the bow tie, the suspenders, the green suit. While you might think you're expressing your individuality, your colleagues will perceive it as a rejection of their group culture; you'll become a person who probably can't be trusted.

19. Do not bring lunch to work.

20. Rainbows are God's way of reminding us that beauty is an optical illusion, except in sports cars.

21. You will never become a rock star.

22. As you go through life, you will discover that more and more of the subjects you studied in college are useless, with the exception of abnormal psychology.

23. Never make any sort of generalization concerning gender, even if it's so true God himself would back you up.

24. Telling a person in management, "I'm a bit of a philosopher," means you're a total loser.

25. When running in the park on a hot day, do not take off your shirt if you are a really hairy sonofabitch.

26. Never hesitate to admit the error of your ways, when under oath in federal court.

27. Always wear freshly laundered or pressed clothing to work. Even one wrinkle will have certain coworkers creating—and perhaps sharing—scenarios of debauchery or financial distress.

28. Do not say hi to a perfect stranger in any town with a population over 2,000. The friendly gesture in Beaver Dam Falls is a scary act of aggression in Boston.

29. Always imply, in every possible way, that the person you're talking to is smarter, better-looking, slimmer, and more successful than they really are.

30. When choosing a bottle of wine to bring to a dinner party, spend between 10 and 15 dollars. That's for a bottle, not a gallon.

31. Do not come on to the new female pastor, unless she winks at you during the sermon.

32. An ounce of appearance is worth a pound of substance.

33. The way a woman looks, acts, and talks says nothing about how good she is in bed.

34. It is okay to admit in conversation that your accountant used his imagination to save you $500 in taxes, but never admit you saved 5 bucks by refilling the vodka bottle in the minibar with water.

35. Never get into a pissing match via e-mail. If he forwards, you lose.

36. Never suggest to another person at the gym that he's not working hard enough to accomplish anything.

37. People who live in glass houses are idiots.

38. Going insane while watching a great football game is a sign of mental health.

39. When a man meets another man, bonding begins when they both say things they hope no one else hears.

40. The person who sincerely says to you, "I want to get to know you better," is a person you don't want to know at all.