Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Some Rules to Live By (or not)

If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be almost instantly removed.

Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.

For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget all about the toothache.

Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are: You only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.

And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan

1 comment:

  1. Hi Kellie,
    I just discovered your blog, and have to say that I find some of these “rules” to be really funny, in a twisted, all-too-true kind of way. (And I think Einar would, too.) Made me laugh, and I kind of needed to laugh, tonight. Thanks!

    ReplyDelete

anyone can now comment but I will still monitor them so that the site does not get a bunch of spam on it.