Friday, September 30, 2011

Only by prescription....

A lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide. The pharmacist asked, "Why?" The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband." The pharmacist said 'Lord have mercy! that's against the law! Absolutely not!" The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "You didn't tell me you had a prescription!

redneck... just too funny

Tuesday, September 20, 2011


After three weeks in the Garden of Eden,God came to visit Eve. 'So, how is everything going ?' inquired God.

'It is all so beautiful, God,' she replied. 'The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have just one problem..

It's these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They're a real pain.'

And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc. She felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more 'symmetrically balanced'.

'That's a fair point,' replied God, 'But it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away.'

And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes

Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden.

' Well, Eve, how is my favorite creation ?'

'Just fantastic,' she replied, 'But for one oversight. You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone.'

God thought for a moment and said, 'You know, Eve, you are right. How could I have overlooked this ? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you. Let's see....where did I put that useless boob ?'

Now doesn't THAT make more sense than the rib story ?

Sunday, September 18, 2011

a joke: do not be drinking when reading

A black guy, a white guy, a Christian, a Muslim, and a Communist walk into a bar.

The bartender says "What can I get you, Mr. President?"



Tax his land,
Tax his bed,
Tax the table,
At which he ' s fed.

Tax his tractor,
Tax his mule,
Teach him taxes
Are the rule.

Tax his work,
Tax his pay,
He works for
peanuts anyway!

Tax his cow,
Tax his goat,
Tax his pants,
Tax his coat.

Tax his ties,
Tax his shirt,
Tax his work,
Tax his dirt.

Tax his tobacco,
Tax his drink,
Tax him if he
Tries to think.

Tax his cigars,
Tax his beers,
If he cries
Tax his tears.

Tax his car,
Tax his gas,
Find other ways
To tax his ass.

Tax all he has
Then let him know
That you won ' t be done
Till he has no dough.

When he screams and hollers;
Then tax him some more,
Tax him till
He ' s good and sore.

Then tax his coffin,
Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in
Which he ' s laid...

Put these words
Upon his tomb,
' Taxes drove me
to my doom... '

When he ' s gone,
Do not relax,
Its time to apply
The inheritance tax.

Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
CDL license Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax
Excise Taxes
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel Permit Tax
Gasoline Tax (currently 44.75 cents per gallon)
Gross Receipts Tax
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax
Inventory Tax
IRS Interest Charges IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
Liquor Tax
Luxury Taxes
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Personal Property Tax
Property Tax
Real Estate Tax
Service Charge Tax
Social Security Tax
Road Usage Tax
Recreational Vehicle Tax
Sales Tax
School Tax
State Income Tax
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone Federal Excise Tax
Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax
Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Taxes
Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax
Telephone Recurring and Nonrecurring Charges Tax
Telephone State and Local Tax
Telephone Usage Charge Tax
Utility Taxes
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Watercraft Registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax

Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago, & our nation was the most prosperous in the world. We had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middle class in the world, and Mom, if agreed, stayed home to raise the kids.

What in the heck happened? Can you spell ' politicians? '

I wonder what our forefathers would do.... oh wait, I ALREADY KNOW what they DID!!!

Saturday, September 17, 2011

todays phrase:

Spend your values

now I think one could take this either way:

spend them as in -get rid of them


spend them as in -practicing them

I will go with the second :)

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Yes it is 11 Sept 11

I so do not want to do a run of the mill "I remember where I was ten years ago" blog entry.

EVERYONE is doing that and I would feel like I was simply being PC or doing it because everyone is.

And really how can so many lives taken be justified or memorialized in a way worthy? How can I, who was over a 1000 miles away even begin to comprehend the pain of the loss? How could any words I type ease anyone at all?

I do know I am totally pissed off that POLITICS have made a mockery of those fallen lives.

So I sit here and think. And I realize two important things:

1) Death is indeed an enemy

2) God has an app for that!

1 Cor 15:26 As the last enemy, death is to be brought to nothing.

So I hope. I hope for all those who have suffered the loss of their loved ones that they will see those very loved ones again.

And I love. I love MY own loved ones each and every day to the fullest and I TELL THEM AND SHOW THEM.

And I will remind. Remind those who have lost loved ones of the words inspired by God:

1 Thess 4:13 Moreover, brothers, we do not want YOU to be ignorant concerning those who are sleeping [in death]; that YOU may not sorrow just as the rest also do who have no hope. 14 For if our faith is that Jesus died and rose again, so, too, those who have fallen asleep [in death] through Jesus -God will bring with him.

16 because the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a commanding call, with an archangel’s voice and with God’s trumpet, and those who are dead in union with Christ will rise first.

John 5:28 Do not marvel at this, because the hour is coming in which all those in the memorial tombs will hear his voice 29 and come out,

May all have the hope and peace that surpasses all understanding.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Kids Fined $500 for Unpermitted Lemonade Stand

Every summer thousands of kids across the U.S. earn a little pocket change and learn a bit about business by setting up lemonade stands in their front yards. They may cause traffic to slow down a touch, but most of them don't do any real damage. That's why some Montgomery County, Md., residents are so outraged over county officials fining the parents of some industrious local kids for failing to get a vendors license for their lemonade stand.

and guess what they were selling the lemonade FOR??? Charity: pediatric cancer.

seriously the world has indeed gone mad. We have ALL the mongrels in Washington as corrupt as a three dollar bill and they have to hassle kids trying to DO GOOD.

It is things like this that make me want to become a vigilante.

New little fun tidbits

For me anyways! lol! I unpacked my word magnets for the fridge and was playing around with them. So each week I think I will post a short sentence which I made out of the words.

This weeks: Respect your responsibility to knowledge

Now feel free to discuss what these little sayings make you think about. I hope they at least get your mind a crankin'!

have a great day! :D

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Some questions to test your logic abilities

1. Johnny's mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May. What was the third child's name?

2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall and he wears size 13 sneakers. What does he weigh?

3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world?

4. How much dirt is there in a hole that measures two feet by three feet by four feet?

5. What word in the English Language is always spelled incorrectly?

6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer. How is this possible?

7. In California, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. Why not?

8. What was the President's Name in 1975?

9. If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?

10. Which is correct to say, "The yolk of the egg are white" or "The yolk of the egg is white"?

11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field?

I will put the answers in the comment section, that is IF you need them.... lol!

Friday, September 2, 2011

We are a Dramatic species

I have come to the conclusion that we humans live for drama. Oh but you say -I do NOT want drama! And I have said that a bizillion times myself. So my only conclusion can be, we draw drama, whether we like it or not and thus we must somehow NEED the drama.

And so being who I am, I thunk deeper and realized (yes I may be a bit slower than some of ya out there on this) that drama provides challenge. Since we (as a species, as a whole) no longer have the challenge of simple every day survival we have to FIND NEW ways for challenge. And yes we NEED that challenge or we will cease to exist as a species.

which brings us close to THIS post I made a few days ago.

I really think we have made this unreal reality to fill that void of what we NEED to survive.

I also think it is a poor substitute for LIFE. So I am going to continue to challenge myself and see if the drama decreases.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Government traveling expenses

If you are wondering just how much our government spends on travel each year, here ya go!

Travel spending by the federal government exceeds $14 billion a year – an amount roughly equivalent to the combined annual revenue of Southwest Airlines Co. and Hyatt Hotels Corp.

I suggest small amounts so you do not blow a vein....

....just saying