it may not be real, or maybe it is

still very cool looking!

Why we love our children

Why we love children...

NUDITY

I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mum, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'

OPINIONS

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents ..'

KETCHUP

A woman was trying hard to get the sauce out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone.. 'Mummy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now She's hitting the bottle.

MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'

POLICE # 1

While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report. 'My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?'



POLICE #2

It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my canine partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you've got back there?' he asked.

'It sure is,' I replied.

Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?


ELDERLY



While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'

DRESS-UP

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.'

'And why not, darling?'

'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'


DEATH

While walking along the footpath in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead bird. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton wadding, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.

The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the Father, and unto the Son, and into the hole he goes.' (I want this line used at my funeral!)



SCHOOL

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!'


BIBLE

A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.

'Mumma, look what I found,' the boy called out.

'What have you got there, dear?'

With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'

After birth abortion

As many of you may know, two scientists, excuse me: two "bioethicists" came out with a paper about a week or so ago stating that it is morally ok to perform after birth abortions.

HERE IS THE PAPER

So since they've open the flood gates so to say; let's list all the groups that are "not moral beings".

We've already got:
1. babies in the womb
2. babies right out of the womb

Now let's add:
3. all children, after all society does not consider them to be "morally able to make decisions" until they hit that magic number 18.

4. Anyone who cheats on their spouse. We all know that is not morally right; so anyone who does cheat shows they are not "moral beings"

5. Anyone who commits murder or fraud.

6. Child abusers

7. Anyone who abuses another

8. All politicians, since we all know they keep voting themselves more money when we "people" are struggling and that is definitely unethical and immoral

9. Let's not forget all the mentally handicapped, since they cannot make moral decisions

10. and our older ones, since many of them have Alzheimer's and dementia and thus cannot be "moral beings"

11. Anyone who allows a god/goddess or other "higher power" to decide their morals for them...after all, if they have to have someone else give them morals, then they cannot be moral persons.

12. Any atheists because we know that "they" don't have any morals at all

13. All homosexuals because we all "know" it's wrong to have sex with someone of your sex

14. All preachers who do not practice what they preach

15. Is anyone left? ah yes, one more

16. Anyone who believes any of this crap can go to number one and be first in line to be aborted


When value is removed from life, the living soul becomes less than a person, that makes it very easy to "abort" / "delete" / "remove" them.

Some people say we are judged as a society by how we treat the helpless and innocent ones in our society.

Northern Mockingbirds

For over a week I was listening to the Male mockingbirds prepare their songs on campus. Hearing the many different males competing with their myriads of vocal renditions.

Well on this particular morning, I actually was honored to see a female check out one of these males. Oh she played coy and would flutter from limb to limb, just always slightly out of his reach...but he would still follow and do the deep throat sound that was more of a grunt as he would fluff his wings out slightly from his body and ruffle his back and neck feathers making himself both look bigger but also "better" than all those "other males".

They totally ignored me, who was no more than five feet away, frozen in movement and watching this courtship that few humans actually get to see.

Desperately wishing for my camera. Cursing myself for forgetting, while still being so determined to burn it all in my memory.

In the end, she did not find him worthy of being her mate and she flew away. He very briefly hung his head but then shook it off, knowing he did his best and flew back to the tippy top of the tree and began his courtship "come hither" song once more.

Different Kind of Morning for Me Today.

I'm still shaking.

It began normally, wake up a minute before the alarm goes off, get ready for work/school. Out the door fairly quick. Hesitate before I drive away to yell at the cats that seem to want to make my yard their home.

Drive down the road, hang a right....all normal

But just a bit down that street, I notice smoke... a LOT of smoke drifting over the road. It's coming from one street over to my left. Between the houses. I try to see where it is coming from and notice a fair large fire... It's all houses over there and NO ONE burns that EARLY in the morning (6am).

So I drive quickly to the next cross street and then up that road. Now I must mention that a truck was coming off of that road.

I drive up the street to the house that ....yes is beginning to burn. No one around.

I of course call 911 and begin to yell at the house as soon as I'm out of my van. I must have been very loud because the door opened after the second yell. The door opened and I was yelling "GET OUT! YOUR HOUSE IS ON FIRE!" And I swear it was not 20 seconds before people began to come out of the house; three actually came out of the house but I could see there was a man (in just his undies) still in the house kind of ....well it looked like he was trying to figure out what to put on. He never came out while I was there. It was the woman (the others looked like teenagers) that worked to put out the fire.

By now the police were there. It looked like someone plugged in an extension cord in the outside plug to something on the side of the house and it either over heated or somehow caught something on fire. I left as soon as the police arrived. I did so because there was nothing I could do anymore and I did not want to be in the way when the fire trucks came (nor blocked in).

Ok, so there is the basic set up of what happened this morning.

Now here is why I'm so upset and shaking.

While on the phone with the 911 operator, I could hear her talking with both the police and the fire department. It seemed like someone had already called in the fire. So if they were close enough to call, why did they not try to wake up the family?

This brought back some bad memories of when my apartments caught fire and the guy that was "cooking meth" that started the fire; did NOT try to wake up anyone. He just removed all his things and moved his truck (and hid the evidence). It was someone who woke up and saw the flames that woke everyone up.

The second thing that bothers me is the thought that I literally "could have" had lives literally in my hand. I could have just driven on and not bothered to go see what was going on. (Since that other fire, I cannot do that; I have to see the source of the fire....do you know how many leaf litter fires I've tracked down? lol)

And that is what bothers me. The thought that people could have died IF I had ignored that smoke. Because believe me, they had no clue and the fire was all over one side of their home.

And all that led me to me. I moan and groan and bitch about how the gene pool needs to be 'thinned' and how evil people should just be put out of 'our' misery. I think of all those I would zap if I had the super power of zapping. Someone in that house may have been one of those people I would have zapped out of existence.

But at that moment, all I wanted was everyone out and safe. Nothing else mattered. Not their bad deeds or good deeds. Just their lives.

I do not think I can properly express all the thoughts and emotions that went through me this morning in those few moments after I had left and the reality of all of it began to settle in my brain.

I'm thankful I may have been used to help save some lives. Who knows, they may have woken up in time and gotten out.

I'm humbled by the fragility of life. I'm humbled by the actions of the woman who fought to save her home. I'm saddened by the man who fumbled around inside the house in his undies and how he finally found a blanket to wrap up in but still did not come out.

I'm heartened by the teens who I saw trying to help the woman put the flames out.

I'm guessing that it was the man who left whatever it was that was plugged in -plugged in.

I'm refreshed...yes I know that is a weird emotion, but it is as close and I can think of right now; by how blue the sky is this morning, how sweet the air is that I breathe in, how warm the first rays of sunlight were, how silly the squirrels were this morning when they did their "danger cry" that sounds like they are farting really loud (I promise that is EXACTLY what it sounded like: a washboard fart), and peaceful knowing I cannot stand by and do nothing when the situation calls for action.

Nothing like an early morning fire to jerk your priorities and self-examination in line.

I hope YOU have a great day! "Make it so"

A "Sign" of the Times?

I've been by the "Store" every day, twice a day, for over two years. Yesterday morning there were bright neon pink signs over all the windows and doors, effectively "sealing" the small building up. One sign was at least three feet square.

The business? A Dog Groomers called "The Shaggy Dog". How often I ever saw anyone actually there? Once there was about 8 cars "after hours" and once I actually saw a dog being groomed through one of the huge windows in the small building.

What did the signs say? "CLOSED FOR NON-PAYMENT OF SALES TAXES"

What the heck? I have NEVER seen a sign like that. That place never did any business! How could they even HAVE sales tax?

I'm sure this is just the beginning of things like this happening.

And yet the same town opened four new restaurants in the last month or so and every day they are packed. I've yet seen the parking lots have few enough cars in them for me to even think about checking them out. Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Cheddar's, and Pandera Bread.

Worked on my own personal income taxes; actually made LESS than last year but will receive almost $300 LESS back. Not even enough to actually pay to have my taxes done. I usually get enough to pay off my state taxes, personal county taxes, pay to have my taxes done, and go out to a nice place for dinner with my family.

Went and picked up a few groceries yesterday and a 5# bag of sugar had risen in price $1.58 in two days.

Yes I do think the "end" is closer than ever.

I may have posted these before, but they are funny enough for a repost :)

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from eating too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: "You stay here; I'll go on a head."

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: Keep off the Grass.

15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17. A backward poet writes in verse.

18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

20. If you jumped off a bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says "Dam!"

23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."

25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.